Being in my shoe......

Finding Fit

I'm tired. I am....so y am i blogging? Well, i'm waiting for my hair to dry...and..hmhmhmm. It strike me today that people dun really know each other until they have know enough to crack silly jokes at one other. Someone said my name and Kwai ( obedient...good girl )..in the same sentence today..hmm...wait till they know me well enough..haha..Impressions and understanding are at two different ends. We have fun being shallow sometimes but thats as far as it goes. I was telling a friend of mine today about my passport and I.D cards come from 3 different countries, he didnt really see the link..but owell....Oh yeah..Please dun try pronouncing my name in canto unless you can get it right ( which 99% of you will not...hahah)....i have had a dozen versions of it through out the years.Its enough.
Understanding is a process, especially understanding a person. Sometimes, we discover new or even weird things about each other. My close friends will know that i actually have pretty small feet for my height ( opps....shd let you guys go figure...)...hehehe. There are people who are more socialable hence prefer to hang in groups, there are also those who prefer to interact in smaller groups. My best- friend said that you get to know a person up close and personal when it is just the both of you. But in a group, more often or not, you just acknowledge theres such a person. I concur with her. You cannot be in one's shoes unless you understand her and the situation or environment he/she is in. " It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding" -Kahlil Gibran. So do you really know the people around you? Or do you just look at them but .....hardly see them...

Finally....a win

Random Thoughts

A sunny sunday- a sunny thought
School starting again- an anxious/nervous thought
Miss my friends- a matter-of-fact thought
Meeting new friends- a cautious thought
Nus- a positive thought
Architecture- an etticing thought
My new wallet - a putting-the past-behind-me thought
Love- an emotive thought
My bed- a sleepy thought
Rag- a floating thought
Chocolate- a dangerous thought
Tears- an ambiguious thought
Happiness- a daily thought
Hug- a i-need-one-now thought
My phone- a screwed up thought
Conversations- a communicative thought
My pictures- a comforting thought
Family- a must-have thought
My looks- a flawful thought
Heartbroken- a jaded thought
Life- a quintessential thought
Me- Random Thoughts.........................

Do first....think later....

.....~and there is light~...


I was just out with one of my fellow councilor-close-guy-friend when my cousin spotted me. Apparently, he thought there was something going on between us. And i went home to have my dad tellin me about the incident. HAHAHAHA. Goodness, this is hilarious. Ps: i went out in a group 2dae and as i was tellin him...i'm as single as Kraft Cheese..haha. Anyways, i went on to meet a couple of my dear friends and have dinner with the belated birthday girl who went on to embarrass herself in front of our fellow councilor's girlfriend...shhshh...haha. Its ok, we all have our moments. Haha.
There are moments ,or rather, situations in which we feel small. Putting ourselves short. Feeling unsure or uneasy about ourselves.Especially in a world where perfection is highly regarded. People want the perfect face, the perfect body, the perfect job...blahblah. But i guess, its the flaws in us that makes us human. Still, we cant help but be green with envy to those who have what we earn for. Contrary to what many believe, i too do get these kind of feelings. Come on, i'm only human. Its times like that when you need assurance, when you desperately need someone to tell you that you are fine the way you are, or just a simple hug. What you think is a shortcoming might just be what makes you different and special. Take a deep breathe and just indulge in what you do and feel best about. It might no be the most glamorous but the simplest things...like makin your friends laugh...being there for people you care about...knowing that only you have a bunch of rock-solid friends ( lets face it...how many people can seriously have so many close friends...but "we" can..hehe)...knowing that your flaws are a result of too-much-laughter( desfigures the nice symmetry of the face...jokin..haha )...too many heart-warming dinner and lunches( that extra fats )...too much bitching?...haha
So its normal to be green, but, A diamond with a flaw is better than a common stone that is perfect.

3

"Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for."- Joseph Addison. I agree. I laughed till my jaws hurt 2dae...hehe. We had steamboat in the studio with some fellow freshies and seniors from both aki and id..haha. Still quite abit to be done for rag though. i bumped into weiphin 2dae..it was sooo coincidental...he saw me at a bus-stop while i was on my way to collect my matric pack. haha.He and his constant disappearing act...tsktsk.
Something to do- i was slacking at home for quite awhile. Pretty much lackin the strive to do anything, but now that i'm occupied with something, i feel much spirit in my again. Makes me miss my batch of close friends even more. The kind that i can laugh my heads of with...be my silly self...and where they know me more than jus how i look or what's my name.
Something to love- notice that its something...not necessarily someone. Gee...maybe i'm speakin the way i do because of my status...hahaha.. wats the rush if i end up heart-broken again...ha...For noe i take much needed comfort and love in my family and friends that i surround myself with everyday. Whats yours?
Something to hope for- This one i'm filled with ambiguity. My version of hope is very basic. Something to look for to..have passion for...and of course..love and sercurity. Different pple different view i suppose
3 wishes tonight - Rekinding spirits for those who feel unwanted.....lgniting the senses for those who feel lost... and opening of hearts for those who feel locked...
pls:....u pple shd read my old blog post everynow and then...cause you will probably feel different each time you read it.... :) happy reading...will post something less crappy the nxt time..hehe

Been there...done that....

...and doing it all over again,..i thought my camping days were over..and here we go again. I went to the Idaki ( industriall design and architecture) camp, honestly speaking, with a skeptical mood. I guess, i thought, i wasnt really interested in meeting anyone new. Or perhapes i wasnt able to let go of the already fantastic friends that i have. Nonetheless, i went for it on a tuesday morning. Everything seemed familar somehow. I think it's because of the fact that i have been through alot of camps and have actually planned one before. From the games...sentosa....cheering...showering...sleeping.. All had an eerie feel to it, as memories from the past seemed to relive itself again. I'm not saying i'm jaded by all these stuff,....well...maybe to a certain extent?...haha.. The camp was not bad. Credits to the planners...i know how hard it was planning something like that, so yeah..really appreciate it. Hopefully we will bond better....time will tell i guess. I shall keep the contents of the camp to myself....otherwise i will have nothing to talk about if i post it all here. And u guys will all say that you already know cause u read my blog..hahah...sigh..now singapore has yet again became a smaller place as we meet more new pple. HA
So, as the burnt me try to throw everthing behind and embrace fully this full-time uni life style that i have. I keep my beautiful memories of the past with me in a place in my heart. I never really prepared myself for this, but if i gave it my all in my JC life..perhapes...jus perhapes... i could do it all over again.

The words that come out of your mouth

As the news goes on about the blast in London, jus a day after they have won the bid to host the 2012 olympics, i sit in my room typing my new entry. Sheesh...the world is a mess. No wonder some married woman refuse to have kids, they dont wanna bring a child into a world of chaos and distraught.
I have a habit. I like to write down the words i dont know/understand in a book. Then i will look them up in my dictionary. These days the pages of words are filling up yet most of them are still foreign to me. ( Time to do some work about it) Since the day i stopped working, i've been meeting up with my friends, attending concerts, keeping company...blahblah. And to my greatest horror.....i gained weight. Omy...o mymy.. i found out only at my latest medical check needed for my university entry. I would never have stepped onto a weight scale if not for that. Argh....it might not have been a large change in terms of numbers but....... My mum has been surprisingly empathic as she too complains of a gain in weight. HahA...So now, most of my friends are not workin...some of them are on a holiday...some serving the country(wahaha). I'm off to camp nxt week...and to think that i happily thought that i have offically ended my camping days as i stepped out of college. TskTsk....here we go again.
There is a chinese saying that says that the people around you see clearer/better than you yourself. This is true. This is why, most often or not, you tend to ask for advice or opinion. At the same time, you realise and understand alot more about the other person. I've always been a person that believes what i see. Therefore, at times, it makes me reluctant in believing what others might put forward. And i cant stop but wonder...what if some things have to be believed to be seen.Some people are demeaning, and as the chinese saying goes, they just might be right even if they sound way too hush. I don't know. Perhapes, it lies in the people making the judgement. Whether they understand you....sympathise with you....As always people do not take criticism easily. As an author writes, disapproval or discontent should be put across the way porcupines make love......very carefully...hehehee. So the next time you pass a judgement or your own piece of mind, make sure you do it nicely...tactfully...effectively...and respectfully.. :)

LIVE8

Money......................matters

My relationship with money is a love and hate one. Its like a love affair. If you take it too seriously its no fun. If you don't take it seriously, it will break you heart. In a world of commericalism, money strives. Or rather, money, makes the world go round. You get treated better with more of it....you get more power with every extra zero you add to your bank account...you even get more respect as money does not come easy to anyone. Respect, is to a certain extent, no longer the measurement of your character but the measurement of your bank account. Sad?...Pathetic?...But true. Of course, others argue for notions such as love. Scarce, love was once. Now, even Donald Trump is on to another marriage. Love, now, seems a mere complement to the wealthy. Cynical i might be, unless you can convince the contrary to me, try to just take it in. Money have always been a tacky issue, but with globalisation, the situation nowadays is just absurd. Perhapes wealth is just part of the whole package which includes ambition, success and satisfaction. Or maybe it's the way we place the role of the money. Fr., L'argent est un bon serviteur, mais un mechant maitre. ( Money is a good servant but a bad master.)..We can make use of it but not let it take control. Or maybe its how we make use of our wealth : " Money is like muck, not good except it be spread."- Francis Bacon.
This brings me to my next point- generosity. The thing is. this could be done with or without money. As i say, you cant give something you dont have. Even without the huge bank account, you can continue to be giving. Even if you are rich, it doesnt mean you necessary want more, but you can definately give more. Perhapes our motive behind all the riches should be generosity. As the rule of economics goes..more demand than supply therefore resulting in scarcity. It is because of this, we are bought up to be able to survive in this dog-eat-dog world. Its the reason we study so hard...the reason y we strive to be the best. To survive..the most basic of instincts. With this, we aim higher, to enrich ourselves and full ourselves with knowledge and love......
So ,when its comes to money,.............its your take.

A big capacity to do good, a greater capacity to do evil...

...Sounds like a line taken off the movie starwars? Nope, its not. Its actually what i picked up from my work stunt for The Event Company. Amazingly, i was able to learn more in one day than my 2 years worth of GP lessons. AMED ( Asia- Middle East Dialogue ) was held today at Shangri- La. After waking at 6 o'clock this morning i am surprised that i'm actually writting this. I've learnt more about the middle-east than i thought i will and learnt more about terrorism than my 2 years of college GP lessons. Of course, some credit must go to GP, as without it, i will not be forced to read about current affairs and develop a queer interest in it. I realise what government officials debate about in their board rooms is actually similar to what we discuss in our classrooms. They discuss about the definition of terrorism, whether millitary force is the right method, the causes of this phenomenon and ,of course ,how to deal with it......
Reading deeper into it, i realise what seemingly is meaningless and mundane is actually part of the bigger picture. Just like how spaces form rooms...rooms make a building...buildings shape a city...and cities connect the world. Perhapes everything has a part to play, no matter how small or simple it is. Look up, the azure space above called the sky connects all of us together. Therefore, there is a need to care, a need to share...a need for you to try. Just a bit of amour propre and you will be able to give it in return. So love yourself and be grateful and know that the capacity to do good or evil is, indeed, a choice.

Heated delusion

The sun

The blazing hot sun is definately increasing my body temperature, i feel as if i'm in an oven, being baked. Argh....as much i like the sun the sand and sea....this is not the way to enjoy the heat.Haha....This week i made new friends and meet up wilth the old ones. The two days work stunt at the Ritz allowed me to get myself acquainted with some older people......at the same time make some $..haha. When bowling with auntie nat.....met up with dear yixian.....SF the nxt..heehee..After watch Mr and Mrs Smith i feel like watching Batman Begins. heard it's pretty good. Had a gathering at nat's house yesterday, a surprise farewell for dear sherilyn...sigh..daniel and thinesh was pigging out at the food...me and shiang had to roast a chicken..the guys talked about their Ns lives ( wat life?!!)...haha...even tried my hand at drums..hmmhmm..not bad. Its nice..very nice indeed coz the turn out was quite big ( quite impossible for everyone to make it la )..And everyone got to catch up with whoever they want to...heehee..
Its inevitable that as human being we all make mistakes. Sometimes we are forgiven...most o f the times we are are haunted by them. Perhapes, if we could be forgiven, or rather, the mistake forgotten, we might not have to live with the aftermaths of it. " It was not a mistake....it was a choice"- Do we ever have a choice. I made mistakes, but the choice of whether to face it or to live in denial is always a choice. Although, people or time, will start to judge and critize us. We become wary of our environment...we fear...its becomes a habit....we form boundaries. As much as memories are chronicles to our lives...mistakes vitally play a part too. Sometimes i fear people people that are too close to me, i'm scared of the things they might do to me. They might just leave .. betray.. abandon me. Taking with them a huge piece of me. i believe in the notion " I can't give what i don't have "/ " You can't lose what you don't have ".......

Update

....I've got 2 stacks of uni admission stuff...hahaha...so much things to read up about la.haha. Got a phone call 2 days ago form nus and they offered me wat i wanted in the first place. Tisktisk..but the thing is my first reaction was not overjoy but blur. All of a sudden i'm hot property..haha. But in the end decided to go nus. Psycho-ed myself for SADM...now have to psycho back to nus haha... I wonder wat they saw in me. ( yes i noe..insecurities creepin in again)...As in i didnt do well in my As...i onli went for the amplitude test...hmmhhmm..And my ntu engin. cousin offered me him "well wishes". Maybe its not that bad despite the fact that all i heard is that archi is very chiong and forever busy. Owell, time will tell yeah.
....Some of my guy friends POP-ed...now havin break..and man were they over the moon. Hahaha...good luck guys..you all still have another year plusplus..heehee.
Whole of next week i'm not goin for work..hahaha..except for the 1st two days..heehee...this job will remind me so much of wat we do in council. Meeting up with beloved aunt, frens.........heehee. Its goin to be good...SF havent decided yet...tisktisk..and she havent send me her layout yet...better hurry girl...dateline coming liaoz. Actually, i'm always in touch with the councilors...but onli like SF from my cls... wats up man...wat happen to all the cls gatherings?...hahah..soon k guys. o o....i was so tempted to change my phone la... coz my another counsin just got a new V3....but i havent yet.....ren (tolerance)..hahaha
So this was an update on a sunday afternoon....goin to run my fingers on the piano now...heehee...ciao..luv ya

We're girls,...............please be gentle

Susan from desperate housewives said something yeaterday that striked me. She spoke, as she seat on the steps outside her house, at her flamboyant mother, "...well unlike you, you can just move on...while i got heartbroken and i just remain......broken." Women had come a long way since the chasity belt and binded feet days, but in every two minutes a woman is raped and in every minute a woman gets heartbroken. Of course there are the exceptions, such as the bitches, who seem to lack in both heart and soul. The bimbos, whom i call " vase"; beautiful on the outside empty on the inside. On a whole the female creature is a beautiful creation. ( Reminder: never judge before you know ). As the new Miss Universe is crowned, i an reminded of the Miss Universe singapore contest broadcasted on television, which i got a glance of. It was the question and answer section. " What do you think is a woman's greatest strength and weakness?" asked Nadya, the host. Before the contestant said her answer, i gave mine to the televsion : The greatest strength and greatest weakness = Love. Because of love, we are willing to sacrifice all and because of this love we can do the unbearable, even if it means giving up our lives or harming others. Such strength makes it our weakness too, sometimes we get taken advantage of. We lose time, energy, youth and sometimes our heart, we become vulnerable. If love is a leap, then we leap everyday.
Perhapes we are just wired differently, man might complain about our PMS moodswings, our implusive actions and even our stupidity. But the infidelity rate amongst man is much higher while the amount of woman who shed a tear over man multiples with time. I think we are like balls. When we are young we are the rugby ball. Man are willing to dive, scrum or even break a bone for us. Then we bcome the soccer ball, being kicked around by 22 men on the field. We get older, we become the basketball,bouncing around 10 men, not that bad. Then we become the tennis ball, alternating about two men. Lastly, we be come the golf ball, where we are swinged as far as possible into the hole.
I'm not saying you have to give in to us all the time, just words of assurance, love and maybe a simple gesture. You dont' necesarily have to love us, say your are sorry be kind to us or even respect us. Just,...please....., at least be gentle.

J' Adore

Wrapped up


I like the sound of laughter...the sight of light in the dark sky...the aroma of the bakery...the touch of pillows and blankets and the taste of macadamia nuts ice-cream. J' Adore....heehee...Those little things that brings us back to our unpretentious self...usually the most basic and simple of things. Sure..we might like to experience different things but at the end of the day we make a choice of what we prefer....
Have been in touch with my love for performances lately...threatre..concerts..dances...heehee. I like and enjoy them just as much as i enjoy sports. So blessed ...i am..to have close friends who share the same obsessions as me..haha.The ubiquitous cell-phone. Sigh..i think i dropped it a record-high this month..the cover comes on and off..tisktisk..lucky for me the phone is still in working condition. Yet another sigh....one of my good friends ( ...realise that i have quite a lot of good frens..keep refering to diff. ones..hmmhhmm..hehe)..is leaving for melbourne..where half ,if not, the whole world is..heehee..odear..going to miss her company for sure..haha.(...oops..feeling a bit hungry at this point of time..heehee..)..
i realise as we grow we perceive beauty...life..time and even love in a different way..(is this a sign of maturity or age?)..heehee. Perhapes we know that there is more than meets the eye...or perhapes we are in denial. Acting childish seems to come naturally, but acting like an adult, no matter how old we are, just doesn't come easy to us. Its is true..there is a child in each of us or rather a baby..that part of us that earns for security ,love and a big hug, no matter how old we are or what sex we belong to.
So keep that baby-ness in you..for in that tiny creature...holds the key to your youthfulness and what you desire the most out of life. As Jack Benny, American comedian/actor/performer, said "Growing old is a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter"...So rock-a-by

catching the wind

I wake up the past few days with a pain in my mouth.Think its my gums. My assumed notion is that i'm " heaty" or so according to the chinese. Too much spices, fried stuff etc...then...my nose started to run...again...i never wun have any of these problems if i was still in school, my mum noted. Its true, the early morning results in early sleep and in school i'm more active i guess. At least i get to move from class to class and talk and laugh with my mates. Hopefully, its not my age that is catching up on me.
Its a gloomy rainy sunday. Just yesterday, i met up with my council friends ...again...( hmhm..we seem to meet up every sat....). This time i get to see some that i havent seen in a long time. And boy....some things never change....like how boo 's coiffure is way cool...caleb has ...still...all the funny stories to rattle on about...now dan chi and shiang are still skinny...how nat is still flirty...blahblah..heehee. Nothing much has changed except the clothes that we're in.
And so in about two months i embark on a journey, where i will test the waters of my environment and the pple around me once again. That coveted spot for me to feel that i've made the right choice is still empty. Guess only time will tell. I'm not a pompous individual and i do not inspire to be one, but wat if i appear as one with low-confidence and dignity? Lacking in self- importance...I believe everyone draws a line in their heads as they judge people. but sometimes the first impression is not the one you should judge by although there could be no second. Keep an open mind....i say...keep an open mind.
I wanna make business my pleasure and pleasure my business in the future decades of my life. therefore i have(..i wun say giving up on being pragmatic)...just choosen something i will be able to wake up every morning ...look into the mirror and be glad i'm doin something i enjoy...... :)