Its Feb

...Ah!!!Ah!!!.6 more days to submission and my design looks like Tod's by Toyo Ito ( famous japanese architect). Sigh. i must say, i've never been this pushed before, perhaps its the new tutor. Despite he's bad reputation, he is not bad at all. But life is not just abt studio...there are other modules...there are friends ( sorry bernie for not being able to go to your play), there are family....and there is shopping...!!! Need to compensate....haahahah
I realise pple hav been missing and i dun blame them as any ship, especially relationships, shd be a two way thing. He is back in mel but misses her like mad...argh...i hate him.....period...*sigh...(breaking new year resolution again) Den of course, there are those u dun get to c too often because of their commitments.
Caught a few eye candies, but they are just like window shopping. Can c cannot touch, not like i knoe them of course. Realise a serious lack of dudes in spore for the amount of pretty girls there are.Hahaha.
And so the day looms closer again. Valentine's is coming. Argh....every cover of every magazine has a feature on it....its driving me nuts....Argh...!!!!~where hav all the gd man gone??
*Sigh......i'm tired, although i dun show it. Someone....anyone tell me i'll be ok....
ps: Desperate housewives and grey's anatomy are fantastic....makin monday nights busy for my eyes...hehehe

Or so it goes...

I've discovered several things lately. Some more painful and saddening than the rest. As studio began once again, we were first faced with our first "fun" project. Scape. Thank goodness, as a group we worked find together. Guess, as shuhan said, we think along the same frequency and are all compromising people.
Just read Dawn's blog, i know she misses her own studio. Can't blame. We all do. All the fun we had, although we worked long hours endlessly. And as always, as humans, we compare. My studio have a cute pair or rather the 3 mice. Tiff, benita and dawn. They all are so cute together. I'm glad to have pleasant people in the studio, to make up for the tutor that we have. Seriously, i don't know what to expect from him except the worst. He has not praised us so far. Well, as elaine has quoted from me on her blog: if hard work is not enough or appreciated...perhaps it wasn't meant to be.
Talking about comparing, i've found another close friend laterly. As we talked about all issues from sexuality, studio, friends, family, relationship, life, future. Well, once again, i proved that i couldn't keep my new year resolution of forgetting him. ARGH...guess no one came close
I'm struggling to find my place. The place where i know i will be fine. Things are scary. They are subjective, i'm not good enough. ..

"What's past is prologue." - William Shakespeare

Spot yourself?...hehe

It’s the New Year but somehow I don’t feel the thrill. Perhaps it’s the fact that nothing much is going to change as a matter of fact; I feel that they might just get worst. Then again, I would like my new year to be a year of joy: A year where I can just enjoy what I’m doing without the irritating and degrading comments of the people around me. Easier said than done I assure you.
If the past is a prologue, I sure think the future will be an interesting story. Yes….sometimes I think too much…yes…I am the philo-girl….yes I like sour things….yes…I might be hard to please…It’s going to be a year where the change in the 1st digit of my age will reflect on the change in my wants and perhaps needs in my life. If you are willing to stay on and be part of this new chapter in my life……do let me know…give me a sign…hahaha…For now, I’ll smile. But don’t let my face fool you.

Newyears eve pics : http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=8AcsW7Ni2at2EE¬ag=1

New Year resolutions........... that WUN happen.

Thou shall lose weight...
Thou shall be hardworking...
Thou shall not think about him...
Thou shall go "fishing"...
Thou shall get my driving license...
Thou shall have time...
Thou shall not wonder in self-pity...
Thou shall spend less money...
Thou shall be easy to please...
Thou shall keep these resolutions...

Boxing day.....*merry christmas*....

The tears that clean your eyes...

at dusk


The holidays make people more emotional I feel. With all the thanksgiving, the festive joy and the sharing of presents, it all rounds up the past 360 days. My recent trip and after-thoughts during the holidays made me feel small, like the world is too big for me. Not to mention that the release of the first semester results did help in making me feel smaller. I have full empathy for those who gave but are not given. Many what-ifs and doubts did pop in my head as I was stitching away. Perhaps it wasn’t meant to be. In our quest in life, we meet many of whom are better or more talented than you. And u, well, u just want to fit in.
Been doing some planning for a newsletter and a bash recently and I realize how important it is to know the right people and that your team is important. I don’t want a revolution, I jus want an improvement. Sure, I’ll be judged and measured amongst the rest for all that I put my name to. I can’t help it. I wasn’t born to please everyone. Yet, then again, no one has ever pleased me.
*Take from the taker, Give to the giver....

the unattainable is the most desirable.....

Can't find in spore

There have always been wants and needs. Most of the time we find that we have to compromise on the both resulting in a wish or a desire to obtain what we missed. I’ve recently been to Beijing. Yes! It was freezing but it was also an experience one can never have in Singapore. I did have fun : eating, freezing, shopping, freezing, visiting places, freezing, skiing….hehe. Sigh, I have always liked winter wear, perhaps its because I can never really wear them…haha. So in this case there is only one way: if u can move/change the environment, move/change yourself. Hence the tiny desire to work abroad next time…hahah…So Brad Pitt isn’t goin to come to u………………………go to him….hahaha
Even for partners, there is something about that someone that you just cant get your hands on….that mystery, that curiosity, that vision…. In that sense is good that they just remain a stranger to u la. Hehe Close proximity or understanding will just spoil all the fun.
One man’s trash, another man’s treasure. Same here. One man’s attainable, another man’s unattainable. Perhaps having the unattainable-s makes us work harder, gives us a sense of motivation and teaches us to be humble. But, hey, unattainable-s is just a word in construction…….hehe. Cheers

Hmm...y so free

The papers are all over but truthfully speaking, I’m not comfortable. Perhaps its my first uni paper but it cant be as bad as the guys since its their first paper in 2 or 3 years. There’s a sense of shocking disappointment over me as I sat for my AR 1221 paper because I just came to know of my brother’s very shockingly disappointed PSLE score. Gosh…..its weird, I never expected such a score from him. Anyways, Beijing is the place I’ll be in the next few days. I’m currently feelin ridiculously uncomfortably free. The past semester was a rush, tiring, stressful but pretty exciting as well. Now, I have my long awaited date with my television…..again and again. Ha Ha. Discovering more good-looking prospects on tv and in the movies..hehe…aiyo….hehe. But in reality….where art thou?... My best/ childhood friend won her SEA game fencing gold. So proud of her. I haven’t seen her for…hmmm…a year?..*sigh…haha. I realize I can’t do nor complete a lot of things, another addition to my loser-ness. Tsktsk.

家

.....Perhaps its in my name, perhaps its the notes that i'm currently studyin...but i find the below quotes by Charles Moore meaningful and comforting. Sharing it with u all........enjoy

"The dreams which accompany all human actions should be nurtured by the places in which people live. Houses have always embodied aspirations, and often they have recalled for their inhabitants place and times not quite their own."

"A good house is a created thing made of many parts economically and meaningfully assembled. It speaks not just of the materials from which it is made, but of the intangible rhythms, spirits and dreams of people’s lives. Its site is only a tiny piece of the real world, yet this place is made to seem like an entire world. In its parts it accommodates important human activities, yet in sum it expresses an attitude towards life."

Not here northere

Studies are most of the time like that, i dun feel it. Not gd enough but not tt bad, so how?. Not here nor there. I thought i will not need to go through with this anymore....but no no no i'm onced again faced with the disgusting prospect of exams. Yucks....hehe
....its always like tt. Must-not-be-named ( mnbn) always appears when i least expect. Sigh, and all of a sudden wat i told myself not to feel is coming back again. Y is like tt. Why cant i just throw it out of the window once and for all. ( thought i did tt a year back). Sigh...i know i know, i shdnt be thinkin abt it, its pretty clear mnbn has made a choice. Of course i would never wanna b a spare tyre but who will be the one who will come along and not treat me like one..........tsktsk. Steph!!!,..hahaha more stories to tell u liaoz.
Life, ladies and gentlemen, is not here nor there. We are constantly in a drift. After convincing yourself u can live without something,u find yourself being haunted by it. After almost killin yourself with busy-ness, u realise u would rather live life busy than empty.
For now......the not here nor there with studyin is still constant, as i cant wait for it to be over...........and let the fun begin......... :P

enlightenment needed.........

the days of desperation

“There is no painting without drawing. I believe that drawing is thinking and painting is feeling. Therefore, I draw what I think and paint what I feel. Drawing is the idea, the thought. Painting is the emotion, the expression. As there is no feeling without thinking, there is also no painting without drawing…..”
Hmm…..but sometimes I just paint without any thought………hehe

spot me

random thoughts........

Architecture:...erwin, love-hate relationship, space,...modern/ post- modern?...bauhaus..studio....blahblah.
Friends: ..too many to mention
Watching now: ..The O.C..looking @ mischa's pretty face and fab body.....argh
Time:...wats that?
Guys:...not much left.hahhaha
Mummy:...adorable...hahah
Sports:..missing
The number:.....6...hahahaha'
Common word:.....shelf....being or ??.....hmmm

Living it up........with hope?

Live it up. When we are disappointed, confused or even worried we will have to live it up. Easier said than done! I know but I guess we all have to try. As for now, a couple of weeks before my end of semester exams, I’m still clueless as to what to study. Screwed?..haha perhaps. The only dateline to me now is 7 nov. The guilty pleasures of chasing the tv show lost has made me wonder how interconnected we are. How everyone is connected unknowingly through people or familiar faces. Its times when conversations turn dry when I start to get a little worried. Are we all too well interacted?…Do we need new friends? Or is it a kind of comfort silence? Getting a bit dry, that’s wat I’m afraid. The day when u start to find one another no longer interesting and your eyes and heart starts to wonder. Hmmm my reluctance to commit too much. Perhaps that my own opinion of myself is the boundary. I’m too aware, too sensitive?… gosh I dunno. Have always and will always be , kinda, one of the guys. And girls too. Hmm. I seem to b able to blend myself with the two sexes. Hmmm … I wonder whether this is working for or against me. I’m not the typical kind where guys will go ga-ga over I guess. ( ps: always the one who will tease and intro them the girls…not to mention hang and watch cars or soccer..hmmhm) So welcome to the spinster club. Or rather welcome to the Shelf.
False hope vs. hope. Jack from Lost was accused by his father for not giving enough hope. But he didn’t see the point of giving hope if its false. People live on hope. A hope where 2morow will be a better day, when all we wanted will be a step closer to us. Ha. Hope?. Is there a difference if its false ? Can we live on something that has at least a 50% chance of not happening. Sceptical? Yes, perhaps. But just think about it. There is no money back guarantee for hope, we either believe it or we don’t.