家

.....Perhaps its in my name, perhaps its the notes that i'm currently studyin...but i find the below quotes by Charles Moore meaningful and comforting. Sharing it with u all........enjoy

"The dreams which accompany all human actions should be nurtured by the places in which people live. Houses have always embodied aspirations, and often they have recalled for their inhabitants place and times not quite their own."

"A good house is a created thing made of many parts economically and meaningfully assembled. It speaks not just of the materials from which it is made, but of the intangible rhythms, spirits and dreams of people’s lives. Its site is only a tiny piece of the real world, yet this place is made to seem like an entire world. In its parts it accommodates important human activities, yet in sum it expresses an attitude towards life."

Not here northere

Studies are most of the time like that, i dun feel it. Not gd enough but not tt bad, so how?. Not here nor there. I thought i will not need to go through with this anymore....but no no no i'm onced again faced with the disgusting prospect of exams. Yucks....hehe
....its always like tt. Must-not-be-named ( mnbn) always appears when i least expect. Sigh, and all of a sudden wat i told myself not to feel is coming back again. Y is like tt. Why cant i just throw it out of the window once and for all. ( thought i did tt a year back). Sigh...i know i know, i shdnt be thinkin abt it, its pretty clear mnbn has made a choice. Of course i would never wanna b a spare tyre but who will be the one who will come along and not treat me like one..........tsktsk. Steph!!!,..hahaha more stories to tell u liaoz.
Life, ladies and gentlemen, is not here nor there. We are constantly in a drift. After convincing yourself u can live without something,u find yourself being haunted by it. After almost killin yourself with busy-ness, u realise u would rather live life busy than empty.
For now......the not here nor there with studyin is still constant, as i cant wait for it to be over...........and let the fun begin......... :P

enlightenment needed.........

the days of desperation

“There is no painting without drawing. I believe that drawing is thinking and painting is feeling. Therefore, I draw what I think and paint what I feel. Drawing is the idea, the thought. Painting is the emotion, the expression. As there is no feeling without thinking, there is also no painting without drawing…..”
Hmm…..but sometimes I just paint without any thought………hehe

spot me

random thoughts........

Architecture:...erwin, love-hate relationship, space,...modern/ post- modern?...bauhaus..studio....blahblah.
Friends: ..too many to mention
Watching now: ..The O.C..looking @ mischa's pretty face and fab body.....argh
Time:...wats that?
Guys:...not much left.hahhaha
Mummy:...adorable...hahah
Sports:..missing
The number:.....6...hahahaha'
Common word:.....shelf....being or ??.....hmmm

Living it up........with hope?

Live it up. When we are disappointed, confused or even worried we will have to live it up. Easier said than done! I know but I guess we all have to try. As for now, a couple of weeks before my end of semester exams, I’m still clueless as to what to study. Screwed?..haha perhaps. The only dateline to me now is 7 nov. The guilty pleasures of chasing the tv show lost has made me wonder how interconnected we are. How everyone is connected unknowingly through people or familiar faces. Its times when conversations turn dry when I start to get a little worried. Are we all too well interacted?…Do we need new friends? Or is it a kind of comfort silence? Getting a bit dry, that’s wat I’m afraid. The day when u start to find one another no longer interesting and your eyes and heart starts to wonder. Hmmm my reluctance to commit too much. Perhaps that my own opinion of myself is the boundary. I’m too aware, too sensitive?… gosh I dunno. Have always and will always be , kinda, one of the guys. And girls too. Hmm. I seem to b able to blend myself with the two sexes. Hmmm … I wonder whether this is working for or against me. I’m not the typical kind where guys will go ga-ga over I guess. ( ps: always the one who will tease and intro them the girls…not to mention hang and watch cars or soccer..hmmhm) So welcome to the spinster club. Or rather welcome to the Shelf.
False hope vs. hope. Jack from Lost was accused by his father for not giving enough hope. But he didn’t see the point of giving hope if its false. People live on hope. A hope where 2morow will be a better day, when all we wanted will be a step closer to us. Ha. Hope?. Is there a difference if its false ? Can we live on something that has at least a 50% chance of not happening. Sceptical? Yes, perhaps. But just think about it. There is no money back guarantee for hope, we either believe it or we don’t.

Describe me in 5 words...........Let me hear some truth............

People, people, people. They are all around us. The connection between all of us are special. Especially if we get to know each other. Sometimes we are superficial, or rather, shallow. Aren’t we all. I never knew how people judge, rank or hate me. They never tell. Some people grow on u. Some u will miss if they are not around. Some don’t even exist in your mind. I wonder……..Perhaps its just me. So where do I stand. Who am I to u? How do I know its true. Haha…yesh!….Insecurities creeping in again. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, its subjective and could be overshadowed by character. I feel. Hehe That’s y I think tt every girl can look good. It’s a matter of hard work. I guess I’m afraid sometimes for people to know me that well, in a way that they might think of me different. Not that I put up a false front but sometimes…well sometimes…a wrong word, attitude or background and they will. Sigh……Standing in the middle. I feel things or noe things sometimes but I dun necessarily say or prove that I know. I dun really believe in bothering people with my burden, sadness, confusion or worries. Haha. Some of friends will tell u they are honoured tt I complain or.well just tok to them. Haha. That’s why I believe I will become a spinster. Ha!
The steaks are high and it’s the real world….So 1)?…2)?….3)?….4)?….5)?….
Can I do this? Does it mean when I like it I can do well in it?….I dunno. Is design my thing…I’ve no art background. When u are dumped with 90 over people with about the same interest and talent. Things get pretty scary. When something that can be subjective becomes competitive. Its different. We talk about concept, ideas….development. Hmm… in the real world: cost, time, maintenance, aesthetics and function/effectiveness. La-la-la. Its ironic that at this time last year I was hoping wishing and praying for assurance. Now……………….

Numbers..........

Yes. I'm finally blogging again. I've always liked words in a way, but nowadays numbers seems to be a code...a form of conversation. 1221....1222.....6+2....2pm dateline...monday.thursday.....the amount of
4 left : $5o......No to mention the freakin numbers on the show Lost...TskTsk. I wonder if it replaces conpletely the words we all wan to say. Perhaps its a way to cover up, to make do with the words we cant say and the meanings it bring with it. The fact tt we are using numbers means we are not open or are jus plain lazy. Sigh. I'm glad in a way. Coz numbers make things clearer, sometimes words are confusing. Or could it be we are just trying to cover up for wat we wanna say.
I'm feeling more relaxed these few weeks.no more technical drawings.....research...ando...ando and more ando. I've never really realizes how philo architecture can get....(hmmhmm philo girl?). I like the fact tt a line is not a line , that if walls can talk they will tell a story, that there is more than meets the eye. But there are times or rather lots of times when one is confined by time energy and environment. When u just go...owell whatever. 4 weeks to exams, 66 more days to christmas, 72 days to the new year. 2 more hours to the next day. We are all bounded by numbers. Argh.... A witty statesman said, you might prove anything by figures. No!!! They are not enough. Speak...talk...communicate.....none is done if u do not do so. So less with the figures and more with the words...argh!!!~

Grace.....

Deleted my last blog entry due to the lack of coherence. haha. Quiham left me me amazed. The power and grace of the human body was totally exhibited. The impossible is possible. I also realize that that ther merchanise, or rather, eveything was marked up. Tsktsk...mineral water that costs $4. Argh...hehe.
While i ponder when to get the $1o5 Cirque bag, i wonder about grace. The mere word of it spells much meaning. "Gracefulness has been defined to be the outward expression of the inward harmony of the soul."- Willam Hizlitt. Grace, how much of it do we have. Do we give grace as we are given?...Are you graceful? Please do not have a impression of a swan..hahah. We might not look like one but this does not mean we cannot behave like one. To be generous is graceful...to forgive is,too, graceful. Perhaps there are times we say things we did not mean as out tone was wrong or, maybe, its miscommunication. We could always try to be more aware of ourselves and therefore all those close to us. Honesty is prefered but grace is much needed. In this world where money prospers...where the the cars move faster than your feet can bring you, you, we, need this grace. So show a act of grace everyday...who noes....one day you might just be a swan....hehe :)

Would you be me, or rather, i'll be you

Havent blogged for ages. The pile of workload seems to be endless. Whilst shopping with my old friends last..last week, i realise the sharp difference between us as we are now in different places. There is, of course, the Ns pple, those who can carry tote bags to school and pple who hardly have time for everything and anything. Perhapes i miss their presence. The nice comfort. Not to mention the no-stress feeling around them. Actually, its not so much of the content of what we are learning, instead its the speed/rate at which we are learning it. I wun complain. I can't. I'm not allowed to. Though pen and paper, thats the best way i express myself...... period. Although my sketching sux...so much so that my sketching teacher told me i could do better after the 1st lesson. Ha Ha.
I try to expect nothing and hence be indifferent to everything. Sometimes, most of the time it doesnt work. I can't do it. Somethings too much to us : And those are the things/ people that leaves you shattered....always. Some are faster in picking up themselves, but scars are inevitable. Maybe we learn, once biten twice shy. Things seem so much clearer and simpler when we was younger. I miss those days. Where there was a distinct line between black and white. Nowadays, very is a blur, a grey. And it sure isn't helping when you are too busy to tell night from day.
If theres only 6 degrees between each of us in this world, do you know the person beside you? Or maybe the one in front of you. Can you be me?...will you ? I've learnt to take a day at a time, trying not to rush for things and trying to meet datelines...hehe. Time now seems to be evolving around nothing but paper, pencil and ink...illiterally..haha. Auntie Nat messaged me today. I can't seem to tell her everything through sms, so i called her instead. Sigh..she actually noes my tutor ju meng.....singapore yet again getting smaller..haha.
As the weekend is around the corner, i'll take in all the rest i can or so i hope. hehe. Hopefuly all my dear frens will do the same. For sleeping on your mattress is one of the luxuries in this world. Lets take a step at a time, taking our time to smell the flowers along the way. At the end of the journey, we will all take everything in and look back with a smile on our faces. Cheers.....

~Cycle~Circle?....

It has no start and it has no end. Thats the beauty of a circle. More often or not, we are trapped, or rather place in it. Things happen without giving you a pre-knowledge and people leave footprints in your life without you knowing it. I'm thankful for all that i have. The beautiful memories and even the tears and heartbreaks. Pris was complaining how in uni everything seemed so shallow. Shiang is stressed and lonely. Not a healthy combination i think. Odear, i hope i could have done something for them, but i can't. Talkin about shallow, i was just thinking how ironic it is....pris complainin and me being in the shallow club.
Sometimes, well, most of the time, i put people before me. I respect their choices and decisions so much so that i've become shadowed. Nah, i dont really think so. Me being giving does not really compromise on who i am. But giving so much....can be tiring. But after awhile, i'm back in the cycle again. There are times i feel like being selfish, keepin things to myself, thoughts to myself. I dun like the idea of burdening others with my problems or anger...or.....I just vented my anger/ insecurities on nat the other night, when he was having problems of his own. Sigh..i apologised, of course. Despite me being a oddball, my friends till tolerated with me. Haha.
Circle the never ending line, the cycle that i'm in, the painful joys it brings me and silent hope for appreciation by those around me.......

lllll Lines are not just lines lllll

Just had my studio session yesterday. Met my tutor and rest assured that he's a nice guy. Its weird and funny, how everyone rushed to art friend straight after our tutorials ended, how drea started to scream at lion thru the phone.haha. Afterwards, spend dinner time with drea pigging ourselves out and "talkin" away.haha
Its singapore birthday and i spent most of the time drawing my lines. Its strange and queer how everyone is so irritated with lines.Haha. Still, i'm not done with mine. The saga continues 2morow. Willy Wonka...was the first man i watched on the big screen with my new found friends. It was so lame i cant stop laughing....Argh..~
When a pen touches a paper it produces a point. When you drag it, you get a line. Lines are not as simple as they look. They are dividers...they create spaces...they form boundaries..they make 2D become 3D. As simple as a thing or person might be, there is much more than meets the eye. Sometimes, the more you uncover the scarier it will get...sometimes, its better not to know at all. Nonetheless, we still continue on this endless road of relationship. Its not mature to assume anything...its too native to believe...can you read between the lines? It will be comforting to know tt silence can, too, be serene and enjoyable. Perhapes, we need time and patience. For now, i'm still waiting for a simple gesture. One done everytime by my close/good friends : To make sure i return home safely at night.......
Food-for-thought - "One is only afraid of the people one cares for"- Kazi Shams

In a zone

Just when everything is starting to be comfortable, its going to change. School of design and environment sweeped 5 awards yesterday including best design. Of course i'm happy, but the tell you the truth i would have been happy even if we won none. Its not the destination, its the journey. Being acquainted with so many people within this period of time is the most rewarding. Then reality surfaced, school is starting. Its daunting, and i dun really knoe y. Perhapes i'm not ready, perhapes ...perhapes.
I've been told not to doubt myself, but i cant help it. So many 'what if' questions in my head. Too many. The world we live in is very queer, a world in continuous creation and therefore continuous change and insecurity. A world where the best moments have to end even if you beg them not to.
My mum give me one of her talks today. The be-cautious-about-your-friends one. I know what she means...i totally comprehend. When you meet more people you find out that the world is a much more confusing and complicated place than you like it to be. And you realize, that singapore is actually smaller then you think. Haha. Anyways, i was having lunch with her at NYDC when i saw the tiredness in her...the wrinkles..blahblah. She loves the fact that i make more friends and is glad that i do. But sometimes .. i wish i had more time. To share...to accompany ...to spend...to watch.. the people around me grow and behave. Frankly speaking, a couple of my friends and love-ones are not always in their best state when they see me. They have, most of the time, too much to handle. They come to me most when they need someone, to talk to..for advice...for laughter...for a hug. Hmm....i see my best-friend once in a year...but she never fails to miraculously appear when i need her. Talking about she...i wonder where she is now....haha. My dad just pop-ed in to ask me why am i not watching soccer...haha....ok then i'm off to channel surf the television. PS : make time for those you care about......

Being in my shoe......

Finding Fit

I'm tired. I am....so y am i blogging? Well, i'm waiting for my hair to dry...and..hmhmhmm. It strike me today that people dun really know each other until they have know enough to crack silly jokes at one other. Someone said my name and Kwai ( obedient...good girl )..in the same sentence today..hmm...wait till they know me well enough..haha..Impressions and understanding are at two different ends. We have fun being shallow sometimes but thats as far as it goes. I was telling a friend of mine today about my passport and I.D cards come from 3 different countries, he didnt really see the link..but owell....Oh yeah..Please dun try pronouncing my name in canto unless you can get it right ( which 99% of you will not...hahah)....i have had a dozen versions of it through out the years.Its enough.
Understanding is a process, especially understanding a person. Sometimes, we discover new or even weird things about each other. My close friends will know that i actually have pretty small feet for my height ( opps....shd let you guys go figure...)...hehehe. There are people who are more socialable hence prefer to hang in groups, there are also those who prefer to interact in smaller groups. My best- friend said that you get to know a person up close and personal when it is just the both of you. But in a group, more often or not, you just acknowledge theres such a person. I concur with her. You cannot be in one's shoes unless you understand her and the situation or environment he/she is in. " It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding" -Kahlil Gibran. So do you really know the people around you? Or do you just look at them but .....hardly see them...