21 september..the point of no return

...ok... juz a day after i said that those who are blue shld nt b upset...i myself sunk into depression...nah...not really..im kinda numb. You know..when tears start to roll although pple cant tell and you dont tok much.....less than 3 weeks and schs going to end...yet i'm still so unprepared for the As or so it seems. Scared...frightened...to say no i'll be a liar. Somehow i dunno how to feel...gonna puke choke laugh and die everytime i think about it. Yes...sometimes i c the light at the end of the tunnel ...but as i said...its the light of the on coming train. Cynical...skeptical...yup..cant help it although i dun look that way but...hey even i need to let go of some steam. These two years in JC has been a complete waste of time...serious..for me at least.
Jus found out that some of my seniors are doing well...even made it to the Ivy league schs...impressive. 2morow have OG outing( yup...my og is still pretty close)...it will b another destressing session. Guess all that i've gained in these two years are friends...tats my only consolation i guess...sigh.
I miss feeling good about myself...i miss knowing that i'm worthy...i miss knowing that everything will b fine in the end... Think i will just sob nonstop if auntie nat was to appear in front of me right now...thank goodness shes busy and very pregnant may i add.
I guess i'll just have to wait and see... knowing that i'm not exceptionally smart i'll just have to settle with wat i have. Is time ever wasted??? Yesterday, Sarah Jessica Parker finally won outstanding lead actresss in a comedy after 6 years of long wait. Is there a time for everyone? Is my time over??Auntie nat said i'll find my place...maybe..or mayb not...
I'm reading Joy Luck Club now...borrowed from shiang...think drowing myself in a book helps...hope it brings me some much needed Joy and Luck.

Food for thought: " Time is like art-intangible mysterious but unltimately precious" How have the timing of different things affected your lives?...are they permanent?? Is time on your side?