Saturday, December 31, 2005

New Year resolutions........... that WUN happen.

Thou shall lose weight...
Thou shall be hardworking...
Thou shall not think about him...
Thou shall go "fishing"...
Thou shall get my driving license...
Thou shall have time...
Thou shall not wonder in self-pity...
Thou shall spend less money...
Thou shall be easy to please...
Thou shall keep these resolutions...

Monday, December 26, 2005


Boxing day.....*merry christmas*....

Friday, December 23, 2005

The tears that clean your eyes...


at dusk


The holidays make people more emotional I feel. With all the thanksgiving, the festive joy and the sharing of presents, it all rounds up the past 360 days. My recent trip and after-thoughts during the holidays made me feel small, like the world is too big for me. Not to mention that the release of the first semester results did help in making me feel smaller. I have full empathy for those who gave but are not given. Many what-ifs and doubts did pop in my head as I was stitching away. Perhaps it wasn’t meant to be. In our quest in life, we meet many of whom are better or more talented than you. And u, well, u just want to fit in.
Been doing some planning for a newsletter and a bash recently and I realize how important it is to know the right people and that your team is important. I don’t want a revolution, I jus want an improvement. Sure, I’ll be judged and measured amongst the rest for all that I put my name to. I can’t help it. I wasn’t born to please everyone. Yet, then again, no one has ever pleased me.
*Take from the taker, Give to the giver....

Friday, December 16, 2005

the unattainable is the most desirable.....


Can't find in spore

There have always been wants and needs. Most of the time we find that we have to compromise on the both resulting in a wish or a desire to obtain what we missed. I’ve recently been to Beijing. Yes! It was freezing but it was also an experience one can never have in Singapore. I did have fun : eating, freezing, shopping, freezing, visiting places, freezing, skiing….hehe. Sigh, I have always liked winter wear, perhaps its because I can never really wear them…haha. So in this case there is only one way: if u can move/change the environment, move/change yourself. Hence the tiny desire to work abroad next time…hahah…So Brad Pitt isn’t goin to come to u………………………go to him….hahaha
Even for partners, there is something about that someone that you just cant get your hands on….that mystery, that curiosity, that vision…. In that sense is good that they just remain a stranger to u la. Hehe Close proximity or understanding will just spoil all the fun.
One man’s trash, another man’s treasure. Same here. One man’s attainable, another man’s unattainable. Perhaps having the unattainable-s makes us work harder, gives us a sense of motivation and teaches us to be humble. But, hey, unattainable-s is just a word in construction…….hehe. Cheers

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Hmm...y so free

The papers are all over but truthfully speaking, I’m not comfortable. Perhaps its my first uni paper but it cant be as bad as the guys since its their first paper in 2 or 3 years. There’s a sense of shocking disappointment over me as I sat for my AR 1221 paper because I just came to know of my brother’s very shockingly disappointed PSLE score. Gosh…..its weird, I never expected such a score from him. Anyways, Beijing is the place I’ll be in the next few days. I’m currently feelin ridiculously uncomfortably free. The past semester was a rush, tiring, stressful but pretty exciting as well. Now, I have my long awaited date with my television…..again and again. Ha Ha. Discovering more good-looking prospects on tv and in the movies..hehe…aiyo….hehe. But in reality….where art thou?... My best/ childhood friend won her SEA game fencing gold. So proud of her. I haven’t seen her for…hmmm…a year?..*sigh…haha. I realize I can’t do nor complete a lot of things, another addition to my loser-ness. Tsktsk.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

.....Perhaps its in my name, perhaps its the notes that i'm currently studyin...but i find the below quotes by Charles Moore meaningful and comforting. Sharing it with u all........enjoy

"The dreams which accompany all human actions should be nurtured by the places in which people live. Houses have always embodied aspirations, and often they have recalled for their inhabitants place and times not quite their own."

"A good house is a created thing made of many parts economically and meaningfully assembled. It speaks not just of the materials from which it is made, but of the intangible rhythms, spirits and dreams of people’s lives. Its site is only a tiny piece of the real world, yet this place is made to seem like an entire world. In its parts it accommodates important human activities, yet in sum it expresses an attitude towards life."

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Not here northere

Studies are most of the time like that, i dun feel it. Not gd enough but not tt bad, so how?. Not here nor there. I thought i will not need to go through with this anymore....but no no no i'm onced again faced with the disgusting prospect of exams. Yucks....hehe
....its always like tt. Must-not-be-named ( mnbn) always appears when i least expect. Sigh, and all of a sudden wat i told myself not to feel is coming back again. Y is like tt. Why cant i just throw it out of the window once and for all. ( thought i did tt a year back). Sigh...i know i know, i shdnt be thinkin abt it, its pretty clear mnbn has made a choice. Of course i would never wanna b a spare tyre but who will be the one who will come along and not treat me like one..........tsktsk. Steph!!!,..hahaha more stories to tell u liaoz.
Life, ladies and gentlemen, is not here nor there. We are constantly in a drift. After convincing yourself u can live without something,u find yourself being haunted by it. After almost killin yourself with busy-ness, u realise u would rather live life busy than empty.
For now......the not here nor there with studyin is still constant, as i cant wait for it to be over...........and let the fun begin......... :P

Tuesday, November 15, 2005


enlightenment needed.........

the days of desperation

“There is no painting without drawing. I believe that drawing is thinking and painting is feeling. Therefore, I draw what I think and paint what I feel. Drawing is the idea, the thought. Painting is the emotion, the expression. As there is no feeling without thinking, there is also no painting without drawing…..”
Hmm…..but sometimes I just paint without any thought………hehe

Friday, November 11, 2005


spot me

Friday, November 04, 2005

random thoughts........

Architecture:...erwin, love-hate relationship, space,...modern/ post- modern?...bauhaus..studio....blahblah.
Friends: ..too many to mention
Watching now: ..The O.C..looking @ mischa's pretty face and fab body.....argh
Time:...wats that?
Guys:...not much left.hahhaha
Mummy:...adorable...hahah
Sports:..missing
The number:.....6...hahahaha'
Common word:.....shelf....being or ??.....hmmm

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Living it up........with hope?

Live it up. When we are disappointed, confused or even worried we will have to live it up. Easier said than done! I know but I guess we all have to try. As for now, a couple of weeks before my end of semester exams, I’m still clueless as to what to study. Screwed?..haha perhaps. The only dateline to me now is 7 nov. The guilty pleasures of chasing the tv show lost has made me wonder how interconnected we are. How everyone is connected unknowingly through people or familiar faces. Its times when conversations turn dry when I start to get a little worried. Are we all too well interacted?…Do we need new friends? Or is it a kind of comfort silence? Getting a bit dry, that’s wat I’m afraid. The day when u start to find one another no longer interesting and your eyes and heart starts to wonder. Hmmm my reluctance to commit too much. Perhaps that my own opinion of myself is the boundary. I’m too aware, too sensitive?… gosh I dunno. Have always and will always be , kinda, one of the guys. And girls too. Hmm. I seem to b able to blend myself with the two sexes. Hmmm … I wonder whether this is working for or against me. I’m not the typical kind where guys will go ga-ga over I guess. ( ps: always the one who will tease and intro them the girls…not to mention hang and watch cars or soccer..hmmhm) So welcome to the spinster club. Or rather welcome to the Shelf.
False hope vs. hope. Jack from Lost was accused by his father for not giving enough hope. But he didn’t see the point of giving hope if its false. People live on hope. A hope where 2morow will be a better day, when all we wanted will be a step closer to us. Ha. Hope?. Is there a difference if its false ? Can we live on something that has at least a 50% chance of not happening. Sceptical? Yes, perhaps. But just think about it. There is no money back guarantee for hope, we either believe it or we don’t.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Describe me in 5 words...........Let me hear some truth............

People, people, people. They are all around us. The connection between all of us are special. Especially if we get to know each other. Sometimes we are superficial, or rather, shallow. Aren’t we all. I never knew how people judge, rank or hate me. They never tell. Some people grow on u. Some u will miss if they are not around. Some don’t even exist in your mind. I wonder……..Perhaps its just me. So where do I stand. Who am I to u? How do I know its true. Haha…yesh!….Insecurities creeping in again. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, its subjective and could be overshadowed by character. I feel. Hehe That’s y I think tt every girl can look good. It’s a matter of hard work. I guess I’m afraid sometimes for people to know me that well, in a way that they might think of me different. Not that I put up a false front but sometimes…well sometimes…a wrong word, attitude or background and they will. Sigh……Standing in the middle. I feel things or noe things sometimes but I dun necessarily say or prove that I know. I dun really believe in bothering people with my burden, sadness, confusion or worries. Haha. Some of friends will tell u they are honoured tt I complain or.well just tok to them. Haha. That’s why I believe I will become a spinster. Ha!
The steaks are high and it’s the real world….So 1)?…2)?….3)?….4)?….5)?….
Can I do this? Does it mean when I like it I can do well in it?….I dunno. Is design my thing…I’ve no art background. When u are dumped with 90 over people with about the same interest and talent. Things get pretty scary. When something that can be subjective becomes competitive. Its different. We talk about concept, ideas….development. Hmm… in the real world: cost, time, maintenance, aesthetics and function/effectiveness. La-la-la. Its ironic that at this time last year I was hoping wishing and praying for assurance. Now……………….

Monday, October 10, 2005

Numbers..........

Yes. I'm finally blogging again. I've always liked words in a way, but nowadays numbers seems to be a code...a form of conversation. 1221....1222.....6+2....2pm dateline...monday.thursday.....the amount of
4 left : $5o......No to mention the freakin numbers on the show Lost...TskTsk. I wonder if it replaces conpletely the words we all wan to say. Perhaps its a way to cover up, to make do with the words we cant say and the meanings it bring with it. The fact tt we are using numbers means we are not open or are jus plain lazy. Sigh. I'm glad in a way. Coz numbers make things clearer, sometimes words are confusing. Or could it be we are just trying to cover up for wat we wanna say.
I'm feeling more relaxed these few weeks.no more technical drawings.....research...ando...ando and more ando. I've never really realizes how philo architecture can get....(hmmhmm philo girl?). I like the fact tt a line is not a line , that if walls can talk they will tell a story, that there is more than meets the eye. But there are times or rather lots of times when one is confined by time energy and environment. When u just go...owell whatever. 4 weeks to exams, 66 more days to christmas, 72 days to the new year. 2 more hours to the next day. We are all bounded by numbers. Argh.... A witty statesman said, you might prove anything by figures. No!!! They are not enough. Speak...talk...communicate.....none is done if u do not do so. So less with the figures and more with the words...argh!!!~

Monday, September 12, 2005

Grace.....

Deleted my last blog entry due to the lack of coherence. haha. Quiham left me me amazed. The power and grace of the human body was totally exhibited. The impossible is possible. I also realize that that ther merchanise, or rather, eveything was marked up. Tsktsk...mineral water that costs $4. Argh...hehe.
While i ponder when to get the $1o5 Cirque bag, i wonder about grace. The mere word of it spells much meaning. "Gracefulness has been defined to be the outward expression of the inward harmony of the soul."- Willam Hizlitt. Grace, how much of it do we have. Do we give grace as we are given?...Are you graceful? Please do not have a impression of a swan..hahah. We might not look like one but this does not mean we cannot behave like one. To be generous is graceful...to forgive is,too, graceful. Perhaps there are times we say things we did not mean as out tone was wrong or, maybe, its miscommunication. We could always try to be more aware of ourselves and therefore all those close to us. Honesty is prefered but grace is much needed. In this world where money prospers...where the the cars move faster than your feet can bring you, you, we, need this grace. So show a act of grace everyday...who noes....one day you might just be a swan....hehe :)

Friday, August 26, 2005

Would you be me, or rather, i'll be you

Havent blogged for ages. The pile of workload seems to be endless. Whilst shopping with my old friends last..last week, i realise the sharp difference between us as we are now in different places. There is, of course, the Ns pple, those who can carry tote bags to school and pple who hardly have time for everything and anything. Perhapes i miss their presence. The nice comfort. Not to mention the no-stress feeling around them. Actually, its not so much of the content of what we are learning, instead its the speed/rate at which we are learning it. I wun complain. I can't. I'm not allowed to. Though pen and paper, thats the best way i express myself...... period. Although my sketching sux...so much so that my sketching teacher told me i could do better after the 1st lesson. Ha Ha.
I try to expect nothing and hence be indifferent to everything. Sometimes, most of the time it doesnt work. I can't do it. Somethings too much to us : And those are the things/ people that leaves you shattered....always. Some are faster in picking up themselves, but scars are inevitable. Maybe we learn, once biten twice shy. Things seem so much clearer and simpler when we was younger. I miss those days. Where there was a distinct line between black and white. Nowadays, very is a blur, a grey. And it sure isn't helping when you are too busy to tell night from day.
If theres only 6 degrees between each of us in this world, do you know the person beside you? Or maybe the one in front of you. Can you be me?...will you ? I've learnt to take a day at a time, trying not to rush for things and trying to meet datelines...hehe. Time now seems to be evolving around nothing but paper, pencil and ink...illiterally..haha. Auntie Nat messaged me today. I can't seem to tell her everything through sms, so i called her instead. Sigh..she actually noes my tutor ju meng.....singapore yet again getting smaller..haha.
As the weekend is around the corner, i'll take in all the rest i can or so i hope. hehe. Hopefuly all my dear frens will do the same. For sleeping on your mattress is one of the luxuries in this world. Lets take a step at a time, taking our time to smell the flowers along the way. At the end of the journey, we will all take everything in and look back with a smile on our faces. Cheers.....

Sunday, August 14, 2005

~Cycle~Circle?....

It has no start and it has no end. Thats the beauty of a circle. More often or not, we are trapped, or rather place in it. Things happen without giving you a pre-knowledge and people leave footprints in your life without you knowing it. I'm thankful for all that i have. The beautiful memories and even the tears and heartbreaks. Pris was complaining how in uni everything seemed so shallow. Shiang is stressed and lonely. Not a healthy combination i think. Odear, i hope i could have done something for them, but i can't. Talkin about shallow, i was just thinking how ironic it is....pris complainin and me being in the shallow club.
Sometimes, well, most of the time, i put people before me. I respect their choices and decisions so much so that i've become shadowed. Nah, i dont really think so. Me being giving does not really compromise on who i am. But giving so much....can be tiring. But after awhile, i'm back in the cycle again. There are times i feel like being selfish, keepin things to myself, thoughts to myself. I dun like the idea of burdening others with my problems or anger...or.....I just vented my anger/ insecurities on nat the other night, when he was having problems of his own. Sigh..i apologised, of course. Despite me being a oddball, my friends till tolerated with me. Haha.
Circle the never ending line, the cycle that i'm in, the painful joys it brings me and silent hope for appreciation by those around me.......

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

lllll Lines are not just lines lllll

Just had my studio session yesterday. Met my tutor and rest assured that he's a nice guy. Its weird and funny, how everyone rushed to art friend straight after our tutorials ended, how drea started to scream at lion thru the phone.haha. Afterwards, spend dinner time with drea pigging ourselves out and "talkin" away.haha
Its singapore birthday and i spent most of the time drawing my lines. Its strange and queer how everyone is so irritated with lines.Haha. Still, i'm not done with mine. The saga continues 2morow. Willy Wonka...was the first man i watched on the big screen with my new found friends. It was so lame i cant stop laughing....Argh..~
When a pen touches a paper it produces a point. When you drag it, you get a line. Lines are not as simple as they look. They are dividers...they create spaces...they form boundaries..they make 2D become 3D. As simple as a thing or person might be, there is much more than meets the eye. Sometimes, the more you uncover the scarier it will get...sometimes, its better not to know at all. Nonetheless, we still continue on this endless road of relationship. Its not mature to assume anything...its too native to believe...can you read between the lines? It will be comforting to know tt silence can, too, be serene and enjoyable. Perhapes, we need time and patience. For now, i'm still waiting for a simple gesture. One done everytime by my close/good friends : To make sure i return home safely at night.......
Food-for-thought - "One is only afraid of the people one cares for"- Kazi Shams

Sunday, August 07, 2005

In a zone

Just when everything is starting to be comfortable, its going to change. School of design and environment sweeped 5 awards yesterday including best design. Of course i'm happy, but the tell you the truth i would have been happy even if we won none. Its not the destination, its the journey. Being acquainted with so many people within this period of time is the most rewarding. Then reality surfaced, school is starting. Its daunting, and i dun really knoe y. Perhapes i'm not ready, perhapes ...perhapes.
I've been told not to doubt myself, but i cant help it. So many 'what if' questions in my head. Too many. The world we live in is very queer, a world in continuous creation and therefore continuous change and insecurity. A world where the best moments have to end even if you beg them not to.
My mum give me one of her talks today. The be-cautious-about-your-friends one. I know what she means...i totally comprehend. When you meet more people you find out that the world is a much more confusing and complicated place than you like it to be. And you realize, that singapore is actually smaller then you think. Haha. Anyways, i was having lunch with her at NYDC when i saw the tiredness in her...the wrinkles..blahblah. She loves the fact that i make more friends and is glad that i do. But sometimes .. i wish i had more time. To share...to accompany ...to spend...to watch.. the people around me grow and behave. Frankly speaking, a couple of my friends and love-ones are not always in their best state when they see me. They have, most of the time, too much to handle. They come to me most when they need someone, to talk to..for advice...for laughter...for a hug. Hmm....i see my best-friend once in a year...but she never fails to miraculously appear when i need her. Talking about she...i wonder where she is now....haha. My dad just pop-ed in to ask me why am i not watching soccer...haha....ok then i'm off to channel surf the television. PS : make time for those you care about......

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Being in my shoe......


Finding Fit

I'm tired. I am....so y am i blogging? Well, i'm waiting for my hair to dry...and..hmhmhmm. It strike me today that people dun really know each other until they have know enough to crack silly jokes at one other. Someone said my name and Kwai ( obedient...good girl )..in the same sentence today..hmm...wait till they know me well enough..haha..Impressions and understanding are at two different ends. We have fun being shallow sometimes but thats as far as it goes. I was telling a friend of mine today about my passport and I.D cards come from 3 different countries, he didnt really see the link..but owell....Oh yeah..Please dun try pronouncing my name in canto unless you can get it right ( which 99% of you will not...hahah)....i have had a dozen versions of it through out the years.Its enough.
Understanding is a process, especially understanding a person. Sometimes, we discover new or even weird things about each other. My close friends will know that i actually have pretty small feet for my height ( opps....shd let you guys go figure...)...hehehe. There are people who are more socialable hence prefer to hang in groups, there are also those who prefer to interact in smaller groups. My best- friend said that you get to know a person up close and personal when it is just the both of you. But in a group, more often or not, you just acknowledge theres such a person. I concur with her. You cannot be in one's shoes unless you understand her and the situation or environment he/she is in. " It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding" -Kahlil Gibran. So do you really know the people around you? Or do you just look at them but .....hardly see them...

Sunday, July 31, 2005


Finally....a win

Random Thoughts

A sunny sunday- a sunny thought
School starting again- an anxious/nervous thought
Miss my friends- a matter-of-fact thought
Meeting new friends- a cautious thought
Nus- a positive thought
Architecture- an etticing thought
My new wallet - a putting-the past-behind-me thought
Love- an emotive thought
My bed- a sleepy thought
Rag- a floating thought
Chocolate- a dangerous thought
Tears- an ambiguious thought
Happiness- a daily thought
Hug- a i-need-one-now thought
My phone- a screwed up thought
Conversations- a communicative thought
My pictures- a comforting thought
Family- a must-have thought
My looks- a flawful thought
Heartbroken- a jaded thought
Life- a quintessential thought
Me- Random Thoughts.........................

Do first....think later....


.....~and there is light~...


I was just out with one of my fellow councilor-close-guy-friend when my cousin spotted me. Apparently, he thought there was something going on between us. And i went home to have my dad tellin me about the incident. HAHAHAHA. Goodness, this is hilarious. Ps: i went out in a group 2dae and as i was tellin him...i'm as single as Kraft Cheese..haha. Anyways, i went on to meet a couple of my dear friends and have dinner with the belated birthday girl who went on to embarrass herself in front of our fellow councilor's girlfriend...shhshh...haha. Its ok, we all have our moments. Haha.
There are moments ,or rather, situations in which we feel small. Putting ourselves short. Feeling unsure or uneasy about ourselves.Especially in a world where perfection is highly regarded. People want the perfect face, the perfect body, the perfect job...blahblah. But i guess, its the flaws in us that makes us human. Still, we cant help but be green with envy to those who have what we earn for. Contrary to what many believe, i too do get these kind of feelings. Come on, i'm only human. Its times like that when you need assurance, when you desperately need someone to tell you that you are fine the way you are, or just a simple hug. What you think is a shortcoming might just be what makes you different and special. Take a deep breathe and just indulge in what you do and feel best about. It might no be the most glamorous but the simplest things...like makin your friends laugh...being there for people you care about...knowing that only you have a bunch of rock-solid friends ( lets face it...how many people can seriously have so many close friends...but "we" can..hehe)...knowing that your flaws are a result of too-much-laughter( desfigures the nice symmetry of the face...jokin..haha )...too many heart-warming dinner and lunches( that extra fats )...too much bitching?...haha
So its normal to be green, but, A diamond with a flaw is better than a common stone that is perfect.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

3

"Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for."- Joseph Addison. I agree. I laughed till my jaws hurt 2dae...hehe. We had steamboat in the studio with some fellow freshies and seniors from both aki and id..haha. Still quite abit to be done for rag though. i bumped into weiphin 2dae..it was sooo coincidental...he saw me at a bus-stop while i was on my way to collect my matric pack. haha.He and his constant disappearing act...tsktsk.
Something to do- i was slacking at home for quite awhile. Pretty much lackin the strive to do anything, but now that i'm occupied with something, i feel much spirit in my again. Makes me miss my batch of close friends even more. The kind that i can laugh my heads of with...be my silly self...and where they know me more than jus how i look or what's my name.
Something to love- notice that its something...not necessarily someone. Gee...maybe i'm speakin the way i do because of my status...hahaha.. wats the rush if i end up heart-broken again...ha...For noe i take much needed comfort and love in my family and friends that i surround myself with everyday. Whats yours?
Something to hope for- This one i'm filled with ambiguity. My version of hope is very basic. Something to look for to..have passion for...and of course..love and sercurity. Different pple different view i suppose
3 wishes tonight - Rekinding spirits for those who feel unwanted.....lgniting the senses for those who feel lost... and opening of hearts for those who feel locked...
pls:....u pple shd read my old blog post everynow and then...cause you will probably feel different each time you read it.... :) happy reading...will post something less crappy the nxt time..hehe

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Been there...done that....

...and doing it all over again,..i thought my camping days were over..and here we go again. I went to the Idaki ( industriall design and architecture) camp, honestly speaking, with a skeptical mood. I guess, i thought, i wasnt really interested in meeting anyone new. Or perhapes i wasnt able to let go of the already fantastic friends that i have. Nonetheless, i went for it on a tuesday morning. Everything seemed familar somehow. I think it's because of the fact that i have been through alot of camps and have actually planned one before. From the games...sentosa....cheering...showering...sleeping.. All had an eerie feel to it, as memories from the past seemed to relive itself again. I'm not saying i'm jaded by all these stuff,....well...maybe to a certain extent?...haha.. The camp was not bad. Credits to the planners...i know how hard it was planning something like that, so yeah..really appreciate it. Hopefully we will bond better....time will tell i guess. I shall keep the contents of the camp to myself....otherwise i will have nothing to talk about if i post it all here. And u guys will all say that you already know cause u read my blog..hahah...sigh..now singapore has yet again became a smaller place as we meet more new pple. HA
So, as the burnt me try to throw everthing behind and embrace fully this full-time uni life style that i have. I keep my beautiful memories of the past with me in a place in my heart. I never really prepared myself for this, but if i gave it my all in my JC life..perhapes...jus perhapes... i could do it all over again.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

The words that come out of your mouth

As the news goes on about the blast in London, jus a day after they have won the bid to host the 2012 olympics, i sit in my room typing my new entry. Sheesh...the world is a mess. No wonder some married woman refuse to have kids, they dont wanna bring a child into a world of chaos and distraught.
I have a habit. I like to write down the words i dont know/understand in a book. Then i will look them up in my dictionary. These days the pages of words are filling up yet most of them are still foreign to me. ( Time to do some work about it) Since the day i stopped working, i've been meeting up with my friends, attending concerts, keeping company...blahblah. And to my greatest horror.....i gained weight. Omy...o mymy.. i found out only at my latest medical check needed for my university entry. I would never have stepped onto a weight scale if not for that. Argh....it might not have been a large change in terms of numbers but....... My mum has been surprisingly empathic as she too complains of a gain in weight. HahA...So now, most of my friends are not workin...some of them are on a holiday...some serving the country(wahaha). I'm off to camp nxt week...and to think that i happily thought that i have offically ended my camping days as i stepped out of college. TskTsk....here we go again.
There is a chinese saying that says that the people around you see clearer/better than you yourself. This is true. This is why, most often or not, you tend to ask for advice or opinion. At the same time, you realise and understand alot more about the other person. I've always been a person that believes what i see. Therefore, at times, it makes me reluctant in believing what others might put forward. And i cant stop but wonder...what if some things have to be believed to be seen.Some people are demeaning, and as the chinese saying goes, they just might be right even if they sound way too hush. I don't know. Perhapes, it lies in the people making the judgement. Whether they understand you....sympathise with you....As always people do not take criticism easily. As an author writes, disapproval or discontent should be put across the way porcupines make love......very carefully...hehehee. So the next time you pass a judgement or your own piece of mind, make sure you do it nicely...tactfully...effectively...and respectfully.. :)

Friday, July 01, 2005


LIVE8

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Money......................matters

My relationship with money is a love and hate one. Its like a love affair. If you take it too seriously its no fun. If you don't take it seriously, it will break you heart. In a world of commericalism, money strives. Or rather, money, makes the world go round. You get treated better with more of it....you get more power with every extra zero you add to your bank account...you even get more respect as money does not come easy to anyone. Respect, is to a certain extent, no longer the measurement of your character but the measurement of your bank account. Sad?...Pathetic?...But true. Of course, others argue for notions such as love. Scarce, love was once. Now, even Donald Trump is on to another marriage. Love, now, seems a mere complement to the wealthy. Cynical i might be, unless you can convince the contrary to me, try to just take it in. Money have always been a tacky issue, but with globalisation, the situation nowadays is just absurd. Perhapes wealth is just part of the whole package which includes ambition, success and satisfaction. Or maybe it's the way we place the role of the money. Fr., L'argent est un bon serviteur, mais un mechant maitre. ( Money is a good servant but a bad master.)..We can make use of it but not let it take control. Or maybe its how we make use of our wealth : " Money is like muck, not good except it be spread."- Francis Bacon.
This brings me to my next point- generosity. The thing is. this could be done with or without money. As i say, you cant give something you dont have. Even without the huge bank account, you can continue to be giving. Even if you are rich, it doesnt mean you necessary want more, but you can definately give more. Perhapes our motive behind all the riches should be generosity. As the rule of economics goes..more demand than supply therefore resulting in scarcity. It is because of this, we are bought up to be able to survive in this dog-eat-dog world. Its the reason we study so hard...the reason y we strive to be the best. To survive..the most basic of instincts. With this, we aim higher, to enrich ourselves and full ourselves with knowledge and love......
So ,when its comes to money,.............its your take.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

A big capacity to do good, a greater capacity to do evil...

...Sounds like a line taken off the movie starwars? Nope, its not. Its actually what i picked up from my work stunt for The Event Company. Amazingly, i was able to learn more in one day than my 2 years worth of GP lessons. AMED ( Asia- Middle East Dialogue ) was held today at Shangri- La. After waking at 6 o'clock this morning i am surprised that i'm actually writting this. I've learnt more about the middle-east than i thought i will and learnt more about terrorism than my 2 years of college GP lessons. Of course, some credit must go to GP, as without it, i will not be forced to read about current affairs and develop a queer interest in it. I realise what government officials debate about in their board rooms is actually similar to what we discuss in our classrooms. They discuss about the definition of terrorism, whether millitary force is the right method, the causes of this phenomenon and ,of course ,how to deal with it......
Reading deeper into it, i realise what seemingly is meaningless and mundane is actually part of the bigger picture. Just like how spaces form rooms...rooms make a building...buildings shape a city...and cities connect the world. Perhapes everything has a part to play, no matter how small or simple it is. Look up, the azure space above called the sky connects all of us together. Therefore, there is a need to care, a need to share...a need for you to try. Just a bit of amour propre and you will be able to give it in return. So love yourself and be grateful and know that the capacity to do good or evil is, indeed, a choice.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Heated delusion


The sun

The blazing hot sun is definately increasing my body temperature, i feel as if i'm in an oven, being baked. Argh....as much i like the sun the sand and sea....this is not the way to enjoy the heat.Haha....This week i made new friends and meet up wilth the old ones. The two days work stunt at the Ritz allowed me to get myself acquainted with some older people......at the same time make some $..haha. When bowling with auntie nat.....met up with dear yixian.....SF the nxt..heehee..After watch Mr and Mrs Smith i feel like watching Batman Begins. heard it's pretty good. Had a gathering at nat's house yesterday, a surprise farewell for dear sherilyn...sigh..daniel and thinesh was pigging out at the food...me and shiang had to roast a chicken..the guys talked about their Ns lives ( wat life?!!)...haha...even tried my hand at drums..hmmhmm..not bad. Its nice..very nice indeed coz the turn out was quite big ( quite impossible for everyone to make it la )..And everyone got to catch up with whoever they want to...heehee..
Its inevitable that as human being we all make mistakes. Sometimes we are forgiven...most o f the times we are are haunted by them. Perhapes, if we could be forgiven, or rather, the mistake forgotten, we might not have to live with the aftermaths of it. " It was not a mistake....it was a choice"- Do we ever have a choice. I made mistakes, but the choice of whether to face it or to live in denial is always a choice. Although, people or time, will start to judge and critize us. We become wary of our environment...we fear...its becomes a habit....we form boundaries. As much as memories are chronicles to our lives...mistakes vitally play a part too. Sometimes i fear people people that are too close to me, i'm scared of the things they might do to me. They might just leave .. betray.. abandon me. Taking with them a huge piece of me. i believe in the notion " I can't give what i don't have "/ " You can't lose what you don't have ".......

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Update

....I've got 2 stacks of uni admission stuff...hahaha...so much things to read up about la.haha. Got a phone call 2 days ago form nus and they offered me wat i wanted in the first place. Tisktisk..but the thing is my first reaction was not overjoy but blur. All of a sudden i'm hot property..haha. But in the end decided to go nus. Psycho-ed myself for SADM...now have to psycho back to nus haha... I wonder wat they saw in me. ( yes i noe..insecurities creepin in again)...As in i didnt do well in my As...i onli went for the amplitude test...hmmhhmm..And my ntu engin. cousin offered me him "well wishes". Maybe its not that bad despite the fact that all i heard is that archi is very chiong and forever busy. Owell, time will tell yeah.
....Some of my guy friends POP-ed...now havin break..and man were they over the moon. Hahaha...good luck guys..you all still have another year plusplus..heehee.
Whole of next week i'm not goin for work..hahaha..except for the 1st two days..heehee...this job will remind me so much of wat we do in council. Meeting up with beloved aunt, frens.........heehee. Its goin to be good...SF havent decided yet...tisktisk..and she havent send me her layout yet...better hurry girl...dateline coming liaoz. Actually, i'm always in touch with the councilors...but onli like SF from my cls... wats up man...wat happen to all the cls gatherings?...hahah..soon k guys. o o....i was so tempted to change my phone la... coz my another counsin just got a new V3....but i havent yet.....ren (tolerance)..hahaha
So this was an update on a sunday afternoon....goin to run my fingers on the piano now...heehee...ciao..luv ya

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

We're girls,...............please be gentle

Susan from desperate housewives said something yeaterday that striked me. She spoke, as she seat on the steps outside her house, at her flamboyant mother, "...well unlike you, you can just move on...while i got heartbroken and i just remain......broken." Women had come a long way since the chasity belt and binded feet days, but in every two minutes a woman is raped and in every minute a woman gets heartbroken. Of course there are the exceptions, such as the bitches, who seem to lack in both heart and soul. The bimbos, whom i call " vase"; beautiful on the outside empty on the inside. On a whole the female creature is a beautiful creation. ( Reminder: never judge before you know ). As the new Miss Universe is crowned, i an reminded of the Miss Universe singapore contest broadcasted on television, which i got a glance of. It was the question and answer section. " What do you think is a woman's greatest strength and weakness?" asked Nadya, the host. Before the contestant said her answer, i gave mine to the televsion : The greatest strength and greatest weakness = Love. Because of love, we are willing to sacrifice all and because of this love we can do the unbearable, even if it means giving up our lives or harming others. Such strength makes it our weakness too, sometimes we get taken advantage of. We lose time, energy, youth and sometimes our heart, we become vulnerable. If love is a leap, then we leap everyday.
Perhapes we are just wired differently, man might complain about our PMS moodswings, our implusive actions and even our stupidity. But the infidelity rate amongst man is much higher while the amount of woman who shed a tear over man multiples with time. I think we are like balls. When we are young we are the rugby ball. Man are willing to dive, scrum or even break a bone for us. Then we bcome the soccer ball, being kicked around by 22 men on the field. We get older, we become the basketball,bouncing around 10 men, not that bad. Then we become the tennis ball, alternating about two men. Lastly, we be come the golf ball, where we are swinged as far as possible into the hole.
I'm not saying you have to give in to us all the time, just words of assurance, love and maybe a simple gesture. You dont' necesarily have to love us, say your are sorry be kind to us or even respect us. Just,...please....., at least be gentle.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

J' Adore


Wrapped up


I like the sound of laughter...the sight of light in the dark sky...the aroma of the bakery...the touch of pillows and blankets and the taste of macadamia nuts ice-cream. J' Adore....heehee...Those little things that brings us back to our unpretentious self...usually the most basic and simple of things. Sure..we might like to experience different things but at the end of the day we make a choice of what we prefer....
Have been in touch with my love for performances lately...threatre..concerts..dances...heehee. I like and enjoy them just as much as i enjoy sports. So blessed ...i am..to have close friends who share the same obsessions as me..haha.The ubiquitous cell-phone. Sigh..i think i dropped it a record-high this month..the cover comes on and off..tisktisk..lucky for me the phone is still in working condition. Yet another sigh....one of my good friends ( ...realise that i have quite a lot of good frens..keep refering to diff. ones..hmmhhmm..hehe)..is leaving for melbourne..where half ,if not, the whole world is..heehee..odear..going to miss her company for sure..haha.(...oops..feeling a bit hungry at this point of time..heehee..)..
i realise as we grow we perceive beauty...life..time and even love in a different way..(is this a sign of maturity or age?)..heehee. Perhapes we know that there is more than meets the eye...or perhapes we are in denial. Acting childish seems to come naturally, but acting like an adult, no matter how old we are, just doesn't come easy to us. Its is true..there is a child in each of us or rather a baby..that part of us that earns for security ,love and a big hug, no matter how old we are or what sex we belong to.
So keep that baby-ness in you..for in that tiny creature...holds the key to your youthfulness and what you desire the most out of life. As Jack Benny, American comedian/actor/performer, said "Growing old is a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter"...So rock-a-by

Sunday, May 29, 2005

catching the wind

I wake up the past few days with a pain in my mouth.Think its my gums. My assumed notion is that i'm " heaty" or so according to the chinese. Too much spices, fried stuff etc...then...my nose started to run...again...i never wun have any of these problems if i was still in school, my mum noted. Its true, the early morning results in early sleep and in school i'm more active i guess. At least i get to move from class to class and talk and laugh with my mates. Hopefully, its not my age that is catching up on me.
Its a gloomy rainy sunday. Just yesterday, i met up with my council friends ...again...( hmhm..we seem to meet up every sat....). This time i get to see some that i havent seen in a long time. And boy....some things never change....like how boo 's coiffure is way cool...caleb has ...still...all the funny stories to rattle on about...now dan chi and shiang are still skinny...how nat is still flirty...blahblah..heehee. Nothing much has changed except the clothes that we're in.
And so in about two months i embark on a journey, where i will test the waters of my environment and the pple around me once again. That coveted spot for me to feel that i've made the right choice is still empty. Guess only time will tell. I'm not a pompous individual and i do not inspire to be one, but wat if i appear as one with low-confidence and dignity? Lacking in self- importance...I believe everyone draws a line in their heads as they judge people. but sometimes the first impression is not the one you should judge by although there could be no second. Keep an open mind....i say...keep an open mind.
I wanna make business my pleasure and pleasure my business in the future decades of my life. therefore i have(..i wun say giving up on being pragmatic)...just choosen something i will be able to wake up every morning ...look into the mirror and be glad i'm doin something i enjoy...... :)

Friday, May 20, 2005


Tribute

Tuesday, May 17, 2005


karma

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Yours truly....


JOCK

.....ok... i admit... it has been a thousand years since i blogged....too lazy...too occupied i guess...hehehe. In between all these time i had a fantastic birthday slumber party...i worried over my application...workin....spending money. I realise how pple can actually get bored with their jobs...guess its the whole repeat same thing everything that kills pple. Have been quite a freak recently....catchin all the weird tv shows like desperate housewives...The o.c...and one tree hill.....but i must say i learn alot from them at the same time i get entertained by them. As the clock ticks day by day...we take a step backward as smthg and take a step forward as smthg else. Its part of living and growing. Yes, time, yours truly, will make you realise that you can do smthg that you once deemed impossible....it will unlock the many other doors you hav inside of you and show you the path tat just might let you see the light at the end of the tunnel. I for one hav been makin use of my late night for some craft work...It 1st started as a little experiment...den...it became smthg more....Do you like it?...Will you want to have it ?...Share with me what you think as no two watches do like alike. Remember to buzz me through my comments and leave your e-mail add. So let time perform its miracle....as miracles do happen. "Love is the great miracle cure. Loving ourselves workes miracles in our lives"- Louise L Hay.

Friday, April 22, 2005


bubble

Friday, March 25, 2005

The link


sunset

I ve just finished reading the five people you will met in heaven ( yes ..i noe..i'm a bit slow...better late than never yeah..haha) It makes me realize how small this world is and how interconnected we are as humans. The fact that one thing leads to another was never that clearly presented to me. As my eyes grace through each and everyword, the story unfolds. How everyone has its place one earth whether they might be playing a small or big role. How hatred is not a motivation for attack but the harm it does, it does only to ourselves. I feel enlightened somehow. Its a short book but i enjoyed it and had since aspired me to influence others the way the book has.
" Sometimes when you sacrifice something precious, you're not really losing it. You're just passing it on to someone else" Energy, time, love........it might seem sacrificed. But even when you deny it, it has, in fact benefited at least one individual. So when you feel tired and useless at the end of the day, dont depair cause you have made a difference.
I ve aways thought that the root of all problems is caused by family. " Youth, like pristine galss, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, afew shatter childhood completely into jagged little piece, beyond repair" They always leave their marks on us. Only as we grow older we realise its power. But its too late.
So as we sit in our chair, we 're haunted by our past, living in the present and unaware of the future. But do remember to breathe and take comfort that there is still tomorrow to be a better person.

Saturday, March 19, 2005

The three Cs....

cute


As i struggle with my university addmission, i'm brought back to a very important interaction between human being. Confusing? Well, i was enjoying Will Smith's latest movie Hitch.( Wonderful movie may i add...definitely recommandable...especially to the male species..) And it made me realise that relationships play an important part in life. Whether it's the clinche boy-girl romance..the father daughter relationship.., your simple hi-bye kind of friends..or juz friendships. Its everywhere. Every corner that you turn, every thought you make. It is inevitable that relationships are form...can you believe it, every second in this world, there is a relationship forged. "Life is not about the breathe you take. Its about the moments that take your breathe away"-Hitch.
I have, told this to a couple of my dear friends, came up with the three Cs for every successful relationship.

1) "C" hemistry- The catalyst. Its not found in the labs. Instead, its found in a look of an eye, a sound of a voice or even intuition. A form of attraction, uncontrollable, undeniable and unexplainable.

2) "C" ompromise- Its a very tricky word but it can not be underrated. It's a two way thing of give and take. Perhapes, its harder for some, perhapes it needs hardwork.Forgive? Forget?...maybe. Its a step that has to be taken imminently and carefully.

3) "C" ommunication- Even if you have to use hand signals. Do not forget to communicate. It promotes better understanding and prevents insecurities. Of course, you will have to be frank and clear. Whether it's talking or writting. Any form of communication is good communication. The thing is to get the message across.

So my friends, lets all hope that with any relationship we will remember theses "basic principles". As every human interaction should be cherished. Do not forget to entertain or get to know strangers along the way of your life. Cause by doing so you might have entertained or known angels.
*Ps: my fifth piece of design is sold today..hehe (:*

Sunday, March 06, 2005

To be or not to be....

Many things happen in mysterious ways. But i guess it does happen for a reason. I was in Hk recently. It was a feast for my senses. I'm back in a place where i'm uncomfortably fitted in. All of a sudden, my incompetence in my second language started to creep into me as i filled up the endless forms for my new IC. Karma, i think..haha. Its strange. I've never really heard pretty and my name in the same sentence before so when pple started to, i felt weird. People around there are different. In a good and bad way i guess. Its funny how two places seperated by just 3 plus hours of flight can have such different defintions about different things. Then again, i embrace diversity. It makes the world go round espescially in such an integrated world we're in now. I guess i needed the break. Was getting abit over the top worrying about the As..haha.
Hong kong reminds me of japan, although i can't say the same for the toilets, just that i'm not a handicap there. Their kinky sense of style ,their service attitudes... mayb its the proximity or mayb its the weather. Speaking of weather, its was cool in HK, abt 13 degrees when i was there. While people were trying to escape from the cold weather, i was actually escaping the heat. Haha. This trip made me realise how small singapore is. A dot. Hk looks important some how. I'm not discriminating against s'pore ( mind you, i was born and raised here )... Its just, well, different. Perhapes its something in the air or perhapes the grass is greener on the other side. The skyline in hk is gorgeous. Its looks even better at night as the sky-scrappers lighted up the dark sky. The light shadow looked like diamonds dancing on the water, shimmering under the cool evening sky.
My results was out. I stood in a corner as my aunt phoned my mum. One by one the grades started to pop out her mouth. The thought of that moment sends chills down my spine....again..haha. I didnt do that well. I'm not happy nor am i disappointed. I'm happy for all my friends. They did good. I'm serious. I'm not puting myself short, its just the truth.haha.
Our lives are made up of magic little moments which arrive unexpectedly. And in these magic little moments, lies the very best of life. As my college life offically comes to an end, as enduring friendships continues, a new chapter in life unfolds. May magic be paper and reality be pen, as my life story begins to write a brand new chapter.
( Btw...another of my design was sold on the day i left..hehe)

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Public Announcement Service...

What have you done?....What do you consider as done? Life is an everlasting book of riddles. Every page you turn are words to humour you and sentences that describes you. Cynical?Maybe. Skeptical? Yes. Perhapes its my insecure nature to be blamed. Or my inabilties? Our achievements,i believe, is measured by how much we put out....may it be in terms of sacrifice ...love...time or energy. So why are there so many doubts in me? Whatever outcome it might be, i should be content. I should believe. i should move on. I should....
Maybe all the shoulds are just a lame excuse for my shortcomings. Perhapes i deserve all that have happened. I embraced fate, for it has brought me joy. But at the same time it has brought the world's sorrow and grieve .People of mediocre ability sometimes achieve outstanding success because they don't know when to quit. Most men succeed because they are determined to.Perhapes i dont have that endurance and patience. Perhapes time will to its magic and spark a miracle for me... :) Lets all hope, pray and beg that whatever the future lies...its all been taken care of...and it shall bring self-worth and joy... :)..... May i begin with a new beginning but with the memory of the old journey.
btw....i will b away for abt a wk....so leave your messages here for me k....hehe...muacks

Friday, February 18, 2005

Des'tiny

Destiny n. fate; one's future destined by fate.
Fate n a power thought to control all events, a person's destiny.
These are the words taken from my oxford english dictionary. Destiny a tiny word that is so hard to comprehen. Even the dictionary seems abit ambiguous. Destiny is our mask. A pathetic excuse for all that we failed to achieve. Conveniently, we put the burden of fault and mistakes on what seems an uncontrollable force. Perhapes we ache for comfort and redemption in all we do, and once we are unable to convince ourselves we are self-worthy, we blame it on poor fate. Think abit closer and harder, and you will realise that fate is innocent.
Are will afraid of destiny? The confrontation with fate is not something anybody can endure. You need the courage. To be able to take control of it or rather face it. 'It is destiny' - phrase of the weak human heart! 'It is destiny' - dark apology for every error! The strong and virtuous admit no destiny."-E. R Bulwer-Lytton. Taking destiny into your own hands; do you dare?, In a world where most of us aren't even able to face it.
Sow an act...reap a habit; Sow a habit...reap a character; Sow a character...reap a destiny. Destiny is not a stranger. However, its the better of ourselves. Every action every thought,even the impetuous ones. result in destiny. Perhapes destiny is just our true self and all that what life have given us.
Embrace destiny and forgive fate for most if not all are your own doing. Destiny is god-sent, as are we. Don't blame it, face it wholeheartedly. Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, do so with all your heart. At such you will realise that fate or destiny could be your lifetime companion. :)

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Wanted....want....wanting

As a little girl i wanted my mummy when i fell down. I wasnt ashamed of what i wanted. They were the most basic : love, security... This little girl grew older day by day and realized the world is not like in the story books which she loves so much. Things are much more confusing, nothing is black or whilte. In fact everything was in shades of grey. Therefore, as the lines between very definition begin to grow thinner, so did my wants. I wanted a fairy tale ending, i wanted attention, i wanted more...Now as think back on my wants, everythings seems so naive. I guess its just part of growing up. We change and become more realistic and practical, cynical, in fact. Our desires are limited by the barriers we bulid around ourselves.
I received a missed call today. The phone on the other line was picked up as i returned my call. The news came : My design was sold. I couldn't believe it. Its natural that i want my design to do well but this news was a little too quick for this 18 year old i guess. Wants are like wishes in a way. But they are more realistic, they can actually happen. Sometimes at the most unexpected moment. Do you want something? Do you want someone? Is that urge overwhelming? I believe our wants will become our desires and it will be this very force that keeps us motivated at the dawn of each new day.
Wanting...it may seem like a favour...its like a reality- in-waiting. The fact its "ing" means its an action....movement....The result of want = wanting. Wanting are what i like to put it : long term goals.Of course long is subjective. Everyone is wanting something. The difference is those who actually catch it and make it a reality, and those who just allow it to echo in their heads till they fade away.
Wanted...want...wanting...they are separated by time. What you wanted may not be what you want. Time changes everything. Did your wanted become a want and then a wanting?... i believe there are somethings that will....Like love... security...protection. The stuff that we wanted as kids might be what we want all our lives. Geoffrey F. Albert said :Prosperity depends more on wanting what you have than having what you want. Indeed want is a great motivation...give in to this craving temptation...of desire

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

The invitation

the invitation
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. i want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me hw old you are. i want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. i want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed frm fear of further pain. i want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.i want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with the wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. i want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and nt betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.i want to know if you can see beauty, even when it's not pretty every day, and if you can source your own life frm its presence.i want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "yes!"
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or hw much money you have. i want to know if you cn gt up, aft the night of grief and despair, weary, bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me to know who you know or hw you came to be here. i want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. i want to know what sustains you, frm the inside, when all else fails away.i want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

This is adapted from fely.....i liked it....hope you do too. Its speaks for itself. All that we feel or might be feeling...the questions and the , perhapes, answers..

Friday, February 11, 2005

What conquers...??~

Sun tabloid proclaimed: "Love has conquered all." Prince Charles's announcement came just before St' Valentine's Day. In his fifties, he is about to embark on another journey of married life. This time, it seems right. for he is about to tie the knot with the woman he first set his eyes on about 30 years ago. Fate has a way of toying with us : i rest my case.
Is it a case of better late than never?. As i sit in my ikea bought chair typing. a sense of guilt hangs over me like a dark cloud. My good friend, sherilyn, is leaving for the Uk for a month on an exchange programme and i'm not at the airport to hug her good-bye. There are reasons though but the sense of guilt still lingers...There are some things that are now or never. Not everyone is so lucky to be given or oftered a second chance. As Napoleon said: " Ability is nothing without opportunity." The door has to be slighty open. The sad thing is sometimes they are locked. You have to search for the key to open them.
There comes the question : how hard must we work to get them? While to some it might seem to be an never-ending task, to others its as 1-2-3. Another question: Is it, therefore. fair? In the work place or even in the situation of relationships. We are also stuck with: want vs reality. Tisktisk...
Even John Constantine faces the same problem. Can love really conquer all? Even for us commoners? Do we get a second chance? Do things ever turn around and b the way we want them to be? And finally, do we have the luxury of time?

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Prelude to a rooster-ing new year

The year of the mischievious monkey is ending in less than 10 hours. As we bid farewell to the year of the monkey it is only right to remember or rather forget all the monkey business that has happened. As the tradition goes : Spring cleaning...getting rid of the dirt and picking up the pieces. If this if so, my mind needs a major spring cleaning. O f course not all should be forgotten, there are memories i wont exchange for...: friends..family...laughter. Yet, there are some i wished had never happened. Within a year, my nerves were shattered...my heart was broken...my feelings were numb and my soul was lost. Although not all were unpleasant, the year of the monkey ended with a bitter-sour note.
The past forgotten, the present anticipated and the future unpredicted. Its the dawn of a new life-changing year for me and my friends. As the rooster makes itself heard in the early morn of the new year, lets all hope, pray and beg, that what is to come will be more comforting. They say time is a good healer perhaps they are right. Perhaps fate have a way of toying with us. Perhaps. as shakespeare said: life is a play..perhaps..perhaps... perhaps.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Obscurity.....

Reality vs believe.....
Which is more important?....As a person who treasures creativity...believe is as important as reality. But there are times when i have to embrace the fact that in this increasingly practical world reality is key. As the year of the rooster is ushered in with anticipated hope and hype lets hope that this believe will become a reality. The weekend following the Chinese New Year holidays will be St' Valentine's Day. Might i just add that singles rock...period....its will be a tough day for singles out there but remember that there are alot of privilege that we , as singles, enjoy. Since we might not be single for that long we might as well celebrate wholeheartedly...haha..where art thou my romeo...deny thy father and deny thy name..why are u so ambiguous..
I 've found the University i believe will be the best for me, with the perfect course. Parsons School of Design, New York, degree of design and management. I'm reluctantly struck with the reality that my atrocious results awaits me in a months time. Secondly, theres no way my parents will allow me to go...they will need to bleed through their noses to finance me...haha reality vs believe......
i miss school....waitwait..before you think i'm crazy..i have to say its the company of friends i miss...its the sound of the final school bell i miss....its the sound of my friends laughter and conversations i miss... its the food i miss...its the pple i miss seeing...its the warm air and the sometimes-freaking-cold air-con i miss feeling...Whats comforting is that i'm seeing a bunch of them soon....I believe that our friendships are as strong as diamonds...reality...maybe we are like the water in the ever flowing river...we all take our own paths but met up once in a while to form a lake or even the sea.....
We live in reality but believe is what keeps us alive.....

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Gowns...roses.....yup..its wedding mania

..Its been a weird week...Just too many things associated with wedding. And they all have to come within a week....argh,,,Firstly.. my never ending dose of magazine readin bought me to these pages in INSTYLE...celebrities weddings...where fairytale weddings do seem to cum true..haha...they are beautiful ...gorgeous in fact. Then there was this wedding dinner i had to attend...a family friend. My uncle flew from HK juz to attend. Mostly People of the jewellery industry in Singapore...the wedding that became a jewellery exhibitioin...hahaha..it was ok...
Then was billionaire Donald Trump's wedding...who's bride by the way appeared on vogue this month with a Dior gown.....Gosh....its not even a week to valentine's and i'm already drowning in all these...haha..i came up with a list of Must-Have s for my wedding... that is ..if i have my way..haha

MUST HAVES
1) A wedding in the evening with the sunset...outdoor
2) A cocktail party afterwards...
3) Roses....lots of them..hehe
4) Candles....oo so romantic
5) Good food
6) Live band playing jazzy and romantic songs
7) A dance floor
8) Comfort chairs
9) Good lighting...haha
10) Fireworks...covet
Iwant my wedding to ignite all yr five senses : sight...taste...hearing...touch and smell...

HAHAHA....dream on babe i know.... owell a girl can dream right..haha...i think its important to indulge yrself once in a while....to let lose...you know to have the liberty to do whatever you want whenever you want without any hesitation or doubt. Of course there are things that we covet. But that does not mean if we dun work hard we wont get them. Its a matter of desire becoming reality.. to some its easier ..to others just a dream...So do remember to pamper yourself once in a while as no one can love you more than yrself ( except for God of course) . Leaving you with quote

" What you think you create
What you feel you attract
What you image you become "

Love ya loads...Muackx...*BigFatHug*

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

On the verge of crying...argh

Gosh...im irriatated, mad and sad all at the same time..... the draft i juz typed for my blog is all gone due to bad internet connection,...argh,,,,,
As i was saying... i never really appreciated my ezlink card...spend like10 bucks over the pass few days on transport alone.....gosh...
Work work Work,.....most pple are at it now i guess...get to c less of mum and more of dad...i used to juz c my dad for a few hrs due to our clashing schdules noe i work with him next to him.haha.. Its pretty fun i guess..learnin the world of retail and drawing and desigin,,,some of my designs are in production.....so exciting..
Miss all my frens 1/4 are workin 1/4 are quiting their jos 1/4 are in the army 1/4 are overseas.
Identities.,,,, i came to think about it..i, no more a student. Taitai to be ( my frens nicknamed me0...yup...i guess it can to humbling and at the same time insulting.... i dunno... Do they fail to c and comprehend the better side if me or do they juz chose to sting because its easier...Are they a true reflection of self?....Can someone see wats beyond yr skin?...i muz say i do hav frens who do...do you fall into that category?...hmhmhm
Chinese New Year is in a few wks time...the holz...the colours..the food...the pple..the money....Den comes Valentine's Day.... reality hit me when i bought the latest magazines( as i usually to) ...pink...hearts....chocolates...roses...all the lovey devy stuff...sigh..where art thou my romeo...hahahaha
May not be with u guys during the collection of results...depending on which day it comes out...but i guess i doesnt matter coz i havent been doing well the pass 2 years...yup
To everyone reading...wherever you are whatever u doing no matter you miss me or not..haha...hope to crash into you soon...haha...muacks
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